I've Had Enough Of Your Deleterious Negligence
by Virginia Hensley
Summary: Despite being warned to never return to Amazon lands, Varia apprehends Livia sneaking up to her cabin. As Queen, she must decide Livia's punishment and ultimate fate. Warnings: Violence.
1. Gospel of Varia

I make a lot of spelling errors associated with vowels. That is due to me having an audiophilic memory. I find it pretty annoying myself but I'm pressed for the time, energy and resources to mount a defense. Please excuse my less than adorable handicap.

* * *

Varia seated herself in front of Livia's bloodied face and crossed her legs peacefully.

She popped Livia's face and she roused. She tried to speak but her mouth was gagged.

"I appreciate your input, Livia, I really do," Varia told her saracastically, "But since I have listened so carefully and I know you are nothing if not fair, it's my turn to talk now. I know you will listen as carefully as I listened to you."

Livia's eyes lit with slight amusement. Morbid bitch she can be.

"Since you espoused your allegience to Eli, let's talk about that. Since you are formally converted, it must interest you a great deal."

Livia tilted her head like, _not really._

"I used to be violent, too, Livia. Remember?"

Livia nodded.

"Do you know what changed me into a pacifist?"

Livia looked away guiltily.

"Exactly. You did. When you murdered my sister."

Livia tilted her head up to expose her neck to Varia, as if to offer a defenseless assault in exchange for her crime.

"Thank you for helping me explain. See, you think this is about retribution. You really believe if I kill you, I'll feel better about you killing her. That's because your mind is warped. And that is due to your toxic exposure to violence."

Livia gave her a skeptical expression.

"Sure, let's talk about that. Let's talk about self defense. Most people think it's the reason we cannot shun violence entirely."

She tilted her head.

"Gross. And brutalizing vulnerable people under the horrific guise of discipline. I always forget about that shittiness, thank you."

She nodded at her.

"So, the thing with self defense is ... it's so easy to twist. You should know, that's your main skill set. Warping reality to suit your twisted motives and your poisonous world view. For example, I have you restrained in my cabin because you are guilty of a crime under Amazon law. And the particular crime you have committed is quite bad, it calls for your immidiate execution. I should have executed you on the spot, right?"

Livia nodded.

"Why didn't I?"

She glanced to the side.

"Suddenly you're shy about calling me weak? You love intimating my weakness."

She shrugged.

"Your view of weakness is tragic, Livia. And that's why you're alive. You have pushed me further than I ever thought possible and in doing so shattered my perception of myself as a healed person."

Livia looked at the floor.

"Livia, be proud of your handiwork," she spat at her. "You love inflicting physical pain, but you shy from inflicting it emotionally? You're such a hypocrite. Roman, born and bred."

Livia frowned.

"Did that hit a soft spot?" Varia gripped her face and looked into her eyes.

Livia tried to hold her gaze and if Varia wasn't herself she might have missed the truth held deeply in her icey blue spheres.

She laughed.

"You never cease to amaze me, Livia. So, you're troubled by hurting women? Hurting women is your whole existence. You don't identify as a Roman? You are Roma herself."

Livia tried to pull her face loose.

"You're so conflicted, look at you. Is that why you go to this extreme? Are you attacking your own shame for what you are? Are you galvanizing your own self loathing so you can become even worse than your own abusers?"

Livia jerked.

"Whoa, talk of your abuse made you jump. By Eli, you are a little bitch."

Her eyes burned with anger.

"See what a bully you are? See what a brute you are? You go around hurting people with violence and acting like that makes you superior. And all it took me to hurt you was a few innocent questions. Pointing out the fucking obvious."

Livia's eyed began to dart and Varia knew she was plotting.

"You wish, Livia. If you ever come at me again, I'm going to dash your head on the wall. And I don't care if you're plotting a spanking or a beating. I have had enough. Strike me one more time, and I will see you drowned in your own medicine."

Livia stared into her eyes to discern if it was the truth. She must have decided it was because she relaxed.

"See, I could claim self defense. And I would win that claim since you murdered my sister. Since you got off the hook for that murder yet returned to the scene of your exoneration to kill again. We made it clear, if you returned to Amazon lands you would be murdered on the spot. Yet here you are, dripping blood in my cabin."

Livia admired the blood trail she left when she was drug in and restrained.

"So it doesn't matter that you're defenseless, not in the eyes of Amazon Law. Yet ... does that really change anything about me killing you right now? Does some arbitrary set of human laws really change the value of my deeds if I were to murder a restrained and therefor defenseless woman?"

Livia pretended to contemplate it and nodded eagerly.

"Eli would disagree," she told her.

Livia inhaled and looked away.

"I don't think Eli is very proud to have you in His flock, either. No one wants you to be a Christian. Just like no one wants you to be a Roman. Just like your own mother doesn't want you. Because you're souless and we've all had enough."

She breathed carefully, in a vain attempt to disguise the pain of her commentary.

"It isn't very fun to have your own identity and your own life dictated to you from a warped cunt, huh?"

Livia's chest bounced with an involuntary laugh.

"If only you had a little sister I could rape and murder."

Livia glanced at her.

"I know you didn't rape her."

Livia looked away shamefully.

"I know you didn't rape either of us."

Livia's shoulders slouched.

"You just murdered her. For a bounty. For Roman coin."

Livia's head dropped so low Varia could no longer see her face.

"You murdered a teenage girl who survived a brutal rape. For so little coin I doubt you even remember the sum."

She just breathed.

"And now you think you're going to get off easy by winding me up until I murder you? Why, Livia? So that I can be left here with my self loathing? For becoming what you are? For letting you mutilate me in the worst possible way, to mutiliate my humanity, mutilate the love I am still capable of holding in my heart?"

She saw tears drop from Livia's face. It caused a torrent of rage to tear through her. She raised her hand involuntary to strike her. Livia saw the shadow and looked into her eyes expectantly.

Livia's eyes seem to beg her, yes, do it, hurt me.

Varia stared in horror and dropped her hand.

"See what I mean? See how we both become what you are when I give in to you? And you're such a weak little bitch, you don't deserve to get off easy and leave me with your torment. You deserve to carry your own torment and carry the burden of your own sins. Until you die. Alone with your sorrow, hounded by the ghost of all the pain you have inflicted."

Varia breathed. She scooted back from Livia, frightened by her near loss of control. She stared at Livia and tried to regain control. But it was futile.

She stood angrily and Livia looked up expectantly.

"You will never be a Christian! You are too stupid to understand pacifism! I will see you drown in your own tears before I allow your easy death!"

The cusp of her rage pushed her over the edge. She felt a pop like a bubble bursting, giving her a wonderful epiphany: kick her.

And so she did. She kicked her until the rage subsided.

When she finally gained control of herself, Livia sat breathing and looking up at her with an expression of unmistakable gratitide.

Varia slumped under the weight of her self loathing.

"I hate you, Livia," she told her tearily.

She turned abruptly and Livia thought she was falling. However she landed on her boney knees and fell into a prostrate position.

"Eli ha Notzri, Yeshu ha Notzri, please," she pled into her folded hands. "Please forgive me. Please help me."

When her breathing was regular, she rose and left without turning to Livia.

Livia's head dropped, her eyes closed, and her gagged mouth mimicked Varia'a prayer.


	2. Gospel of Livia

NOTE: The funniest part about this is, I don't even care about Greek history. I was just making a point. When I flex my actual muscles, you'll feel it.

* * *

Livia was awoken by the sound of voices outside Varia's cabin. An entourage of Amazon Warriors entered. They were immersed in conversation, heatedly repeating logistical comments to one another. They failed to notice Livia slumped against the pole in shadow.

Varia entered with a warrior Livia took to be Peloponnesian due to her features. Livia noticed the way she followed too closely to Varia, focusing tightly on her.

Varia walked directly to Livia and crouched beside her. She grabbed her hair with one hand to restrict the movement of her head. She used her other hand to cram two wax earplugs into her ears. Livia scowled at Varia but her attention was again drawn to the Hellen warrior who watched her carefully as she interacted with Varia. Varia checked her gag to make sure it hadn't come loose. Again she grabbed her hair, this time tying a blindfold over her eyes.

* * *

She felt Varia touching her, wondering to herself how she could identify Varia simply due to the innate gentleness of her touch. Varia patted her shoulder as a signal, then removed her blind fold and ear plugs. Livia blinked in the dim candlelight, looking instinctively into Varia's eyes. For the briefest instant, she had the disorienting sensation she was looking into eyes she loved.

"I would ungag you but your commentary is valueless," she stated coldly.

She turned to the Helen warrior, now laying on her bed naked, leering at Livia.

"Worse case scenario, you teach her something," she said.

"The only thing that mad dog understands is brutality," she stated scornfully. "Even Eli cannot redeem such a medusa."

Varia stood, standing before Livia, and removed her robe, leaving Livia staring directly at her shaved pussy.

Livia closed her eyes but it was too late. Her photographic mind already devoured the vision.

Varia popped her cheek lightly.

"Be a good prisoner until tomorrow. Your Queen has matters to attend."

She heard the warrior laugh.

Varia put numerous logs in the fire and it blazed brightly, throwing light on the Varia's muscular back as she straddled her warrior. Livia saw the woman's hands grip her hips.

"Is this going to be a 'the Amazon Princess and the Centaur' night?" she asked hopefully.

Varia laughed. "I wish I had the energy. I'm honestly feeling pretty stressed."

The woman slid her hands over Varia's stomach and groped her breasts.

"I know. I wouldn't be here otherwise," the woman told her. Livia noted the attitude in her tone. Possessive attitude.

"You act like there's anyone else. You get all my free time, even if it's only a few hours a week."

"Excuse me for wanting more of your delicious ambrosia pussy," she told her deviously.

"A lot of my warriors aren't too happy about you being in my bed," Varia said as she rocked against the woman's parted thighs.

"I've been by your side for three years now, proving my fealty. If my loyalty is good enough for their Queen, it should be good enough for them," she spoke with frustration.

"They're just protective."

"Then they should thank the Gods I am here to protect you from the Bitch of Rome."

Varia merely 'mmmm'ed in response and Livia got the impression she disagreed.

"If I trusted my warriors to guard her, she wouldn't be in here. I'm keeping her close because I rate her as quite deadly. I do feel that she could and would overcome everyone, except myself, if she were to escape."

"Not me," the woman stated indignantly.

Varia shrugged.

"Shhhh. Why are we even discussing this? She can hear us."

The woman leaned to the side to see Livia staring at them.

"I think she wants a show," she said darkly.

"Hey. Focus on me. Pretend she's not here, please."

"But I want to play with her," the woman told Varia darkly.

"Do I need to gag you as well or are you going to leave it alone?" she asked tersely.

The woman gave Livia a glance and pretended to let it go.

Livia could have watched the fire instead of watching them. But her eyes returned to Varia again and again until she dropped the effort and let herself gawk.

When the warrior's face was to Livia but Varia's was turned away, she squinted and leered at Livia. She flashed her possessive grins and flaunted the fact that she was fucking Varia in front of her.

Varia's high pitched crooning rang in her ears until she was miserably wet. She looked longing at her tan body when the Warrior was turned away.

"Stop staring!" the woman finally shouted at her.

Livia gave her an 'I'm not the slightest bit afraid of you' expression.

"Ignore her," she heard Varia tell her.

"No. Get your fucking eyes off her!"

"Did you just disobey me?" Varia asked softly.

The woman looked down at her growled. Livia couldn't tell her from her vantage point how she accomplished it, but Varia sent her sailing off the bed. She tumbled to the floor in shock. Varia leaned up on her elbows and looked at her with a tilted head.

The woman stood, enraged, with balled fists.

Varia sighed. "You're excused. Leave before I call the guards."

The woman's eyes shot open in fury. She looked down at Livia. Livia gave her a "Look at the little bitch getting thrown around by a girl" expression. She raised her fist and jabbed her twice in the face.

Varia jumped up and restrained her arms. She turned and flung her toward the door.

"I said you're excused," she told her sternly.

The woman was enraged, glanced at Livia, then stormed out of the cabin.

Varia forgot she was naked when she brought a wet cloth to wash the blood from Livia's nose.

She was surprised when Livia didn't jerk away from her.

"I didn't mean for that to happen," Varia told her.

Livia was trying not to look at her perfect soft body in the fire light.

When Livia avoided her eye contact, she removed her gag and rubbed her cheeks.

"I had you gagged because I thought your mouthing off would cause her to kick your ass. But you accomplished that just fine with your salty expressions."

"Varia, listen to me, please," she began quickly.

Varia clasped her hand over Livia's mouth.

"Livia, I'm tired. I really am. I need you to shut the fuck up. Whatever you're going to say, I'm sorry, but it has to wait for your trial."

Livia shook her head and talked against Livia's palm.

"Varia, listen, I'm here because-" Livia crammed the gag in her mouth and sighed.

"Goodnight, Livia," she told her as she rose.

Livia pulled against her restraints and tried to talk around her gag.

"You're welcome for sparing your life, Livia. I know you are an evil monster, Livia. I also wish you did not murder my sister, Livia. I also wonder why the hell you have returned here and forced me to execute you, Livia. I wish I could consider leniency, Livia, but your guileless psychopathic brain when paired with your slamming body and hand/eye coordination are just too deadly a combination to leave wandering around the forest with a boot knife. I also desperately wish you had chosen a different path in life all the times it was offered to you, Livia. I also curse the Gods for your existence, Livia."

Varia sighed as she sat on her bed and gave Livia a final glance. She seemed to be trying to ask a question.

"What?"

Livia tucked her chin and gave Varia an upcast gaze through her eyelashes.

She contemplated her and finally said, "You know, Livia, part of me also wishes you could go down on me and finish what she obviously didn't. I mean, really. She had _one job_."

Livia laughed.

"But again, I just can't let that happen."

Livia tilted her head in a question.

"I think you know the answer to that," she stated quietly.

Livia stared in her eyes and slowly blinked.

Slow blinking is the look of falling in love.

"My soft spot for you has caused enough trouble," Varia told her sadly.

Livia looked away and sighed.

Varia rolled over and tried to fall asleep. After a few moments she threw the blanket off her with a huff.

"Fine."

She scooted to the edge of her bed and spread her legs for Livia to see.

Livia shuddered and leered.

"I'm sure you masturbate with a stick of Greek Fire," she told her as she sucked her index fingers. "You may find this blase."

Livia struggled to hear her soft voice over the sound of her heart beating in her ears.

"Hey, Liv?"

Their eyes met.

"This is what you wanted, right?"

Livia nodded so she pushed her fingers in and moaned at the unexpected pleasure of being watched by her.

* * *

When she had cleaned her hands in the basin, she came to wrap a blanket around Livia's shoulders and push her hair behind her ears.

She looked up into her eyes calmly and for one second, she seemed to smile serenely. Varia blinked with confusion. Livia noticed and dropped the expression.

"I'm sorry she hit you," she whispered to her as she touched her bruised cheek. "She's not one of mine, we took her in when her tribe disbanded."

Livia's eyes grew large and began to dart. Varia sighed.

"I will try to find time for your jealousy tomorrow, Livia. I can't really talk to you about it but ... our tribe is in the middle of something big. Something very big."

Livia's eyes again tried to convey something urgent.

Varia rose and retreated, leaving Livia staring at her perfect ass and thighs.

"Livia, I've done more than I should have to accommodate you. I'll take your confession tomorrow."

Livia sighed in defeat and watched Varia's dark eyes flutter closed.


	3. Gospel of Eve

Pacifists flex with their hearts. (Sorry for the deep dive into history. I've just been wanting to write this for some reason.)

* * *

Livia roused to the noise of stampeding horses. She heard the audible surprise of Amazons mustering weapons. She strained her ears as she fight raged.

She pulled at her restraints but Varia had tightened them before leaving. She listened until the horses were mounted and departed. The rush of voices came near, she could hear Varia giving orders outside her cabin. Then the sounds ceased and Varia entered alone.

She looked to Livia. Livia noticed she was wounded from a slice across her cheek and a gash on her arm.

"I'm fine," she assured her as she knelt before her.

Livia's eyes lingered on her wounds with worry, then turned to her dark eyes with an exasperated question.

"It technically isn't self defense if you defend someone else," she told her.

Livia tilted her head and furrowed her brow.

"Not red tape, per say, it's complicated. We can meditate or pray on it together later. Defending another is the sole loop hole in pacifism. It's technically still participating in violence, but it's as sinless as violence gets. It's not perfect."

Livia seemed to genuinely contemplate her commentary.

Varia touched her swollen eye and brushed her hair back.

They looked into one another's eyes but Livia's eyes turned to her cut with worry.

Varia's hands went to her gag. She wondered why she was removing it.

Her face was so close, Livia only had to lean forward to lick the blood off her cheek.

Varia gasped and returned the gag to her mouth.

"Var-No-Wai-" she managed to stay before Varia stuffed it back in.

"Sorry. You blew it."

Livia's eyes held an apology and a plea.

"Livia, in case you didn't notice, I am in the middle of something important. I don't have time for this right now. Your trial is postponed. I'm sorry. I will get to you as soon as I can."

She tilted her head in a plea.

"No. You already licked one of them ... freak."

Livia smiled around her gag. Varia rolled her eyes.

Suddenly the Greek warrior burst through her door.

"You're permitted to enter," Varia told her sarcastically as she rushed to her.

The woman began to fuss with her wounds and she pushed her back.

"Nico, it's fine. It's superficial."

The warrior glared at Livia. Livia glared back.

"Nico, I need you to accompany the guards to find the missing company. We can't wait much longer."

"We can't wait at all, we need to retreat without them."

"No. Something has merely stalled their progress. Take a small contingent, find them, and escort them here. We will leave tomorrow."

The woman began to talk back and Varia silenced her.

"Now."

She finally left. Livia listened to her gather a few people and depart on horseback.

Varia watched as Livia parted a hidden area in her cabin, drug a large trunk from within and emptied its papyrus contents onto her rug. It appeared to be books.

She opened them and spread them around her and laid on her stomach to begin inspecting them.

* * *

After a few hours, Livia began to clear her throat loudly for her attention.

She finally turned to her, "What is it, Liv?"

She nodded at Varia's books. Varia contemplated her.

"Livia, I've heard you shun all contact with the Romans, especially your adopted father, the Emperor. Tell the truth, are you still loyal to Augustus?"

Livia stared in her eyes and shook her head in the negative. Varia contemplated her further.

"Do you know why my sister and I were sought by him?" she asked her carefully.

Livia stared into the fire and eventually nodded in the affirmative.

"You know who I am?"

Livia nodded at her.

"Do you know what I posess?"

Livia nodded.

"Does Augustus?"

She nodded.

Varia sighed and contemplated her.

"No, he doesn't. Not entirely."

Livia tilted her head.

Varia pushed her papers away.

"Livia, Augustus knows that when my mother Boadicea was killed, the golden eagle she stole from his slain legion was lost."

Livia seemed to smile.

"He knows she smuggled it with my sister and I, when she sent us to safety."

Livia nodded.

"Do you know where we went?"

Livia stared at her. She eventually nodded.

"That's right, Liv. I saw you there, too."

Livia's smile disappeared. She looked into the fire and sighed.

"Eli said the Temple would be burned. And He was right. Everything He showed us on the Mount of Olives came to be. How they ..." her eyes took on a distant expression then filled with a grousome memory "how they ran from your legions."

Livia closed her eyes and dropped her head back.

"Right into the alleys where they were stopped by the crush. I'll never forget it. A river of blood ran right up to the Temple steps. Ya'acov was washed away in that unholy bloodbath. And that's when we knew ... the Temple would burn just as his brother Yeshu warned us it would if we didn't stop fighting."

Livia's eyes clouded.

"Augustus admitted ten thousand civilians, slain in cold blood by your legions during the Siege of Jerusalem. It was a truly apocalyptic vision. Clambering over the amassed body parts which had been the starving Israeli. How the formation buttressed against the corpses. The smell of God's holy city burned alive by your legions."

They were silent.

"Did you find what he sent you to find, Livia?"

Livia shook her head in the negative.

"Do you know why?"

Livia's eyes met hers sharply.

Varia smiled.

"Because I have it."

Livia's eyes began to dart.

"We found the second standard lost in Judea among the Old Kingdom riches."

Livia shook her head violently from side to side.

Varia laughed.

"You should know, Liv, it's the only way Augustus will let my people go. The only thing he desires but does not have is those three lost golden eagle standards."

Livia's attention turned to the mysterious papers still heaped on the rug.

"We recovered those in the Old Holy City. When we located the lost Eagle standard where the Rebels had hidden it, we found these ancient manuscripts as well."

Livia tilted her head.

"I don't know, actually. That's what the Helen is for. She can read the ancient Cretan symbols."

Livia seemed to smile.

"So now you know why the Romans are intent on finding me. Augustus knows I have two of the lost standards. He must realize I'm closing in on the third, taken by Arminius in the dense Teutoburg Forest. It's Amazon land now."

Livia nodded seriously.

"Liv, I'm not stupid. I know the Romans will never cease until they kill me and recover the standards. They're just an insurance policy."

Livia tilted her head.

Varia turned to the fire again as she explained.

"Livia, my mother tried to fight the Romans. She killed a million of them. But they just kept coming. She won. But what she didn't know is ... there are always more Romans. The Romans never stop. And there is no peace with Romans. They will consume the world. Just like Eli said."

Livia nodded darkly.

"That's why I'm doing what Eli bade. I'm evacuating these lands. The village is gone, they're all gone. Beyond Bactria, into Tartaria. All the ancient relics have been smuggled there already."

Livia's eyes met hers softly.

"Well. Eli wanted these lands evacuated. I just wish we had listened sooner. Israel is not a place anymore, Livia. Israel is only within the hearts of the pious now. There's no more standing and fighting the Romans. There is only preservation. There is only evacuation."

Livia looked to the books again.

"I just want to know what they say. That one is inscribed by Eli Himself. They were In the Ark."

Livia looked in her eyes urgently.

"I shouldn't have said that. Liv, you already know too much."

Livia began to pull at her restraints. Varia watched her before finally going to her. Her hands were resting on her gag when they heard horses approaching.

"They found them," Varia said with relief.

Livia tried to spit out her gag.

"Liv, I'll be back. Wait."

She shook her head but Varia ignored her and departed.


	4. Gospel of Rhiannon

Varia's cabin burst into hectic activity as her wayward company poured in with their treasure. Varia began debriefing them but was stopped when they noticed Livia.

"She knows what you have. It's fine."

But they were weary and insistent until she went to Livia with a muted apology to plug her ears and blindfold her. She relaxed against her pole. Varia hoped she would sleep. She still had no idea what she planned to do with Livia.

She labored to expose a locked chest. Her guards assisted her in opening it to reveal two Roman Legion eagle standards. They produced the standard taken by Arminius and placed it with the others. She ordered them to pack it safely for their departure in the morning.

"Varia, we were stopped by more Romans. Scouts. We barely held them off. As we fled, more arrived and we would have been overcome if Nico hadn't remained alone to hold them off."

"Has she returned yet?"

"No. She was surrounded when we saw her last."

Varia briefly consoled them.

"We will wait the night and depart with sunrise. Rest but be on your guard. The Romans are close."

Having received their orders and words of solace, they left her alone.

She knelt to remove Livia's blindfold. She was sleeping so Varia left her ears plugged.

She heard Nico's horse arrive and she went to the door.

When she entered, she hugged and kissed Varia. She was wounded on her back, Varia removed her shirt and cleaned her wound as they spoke.

"Varia, we must leave now. The Romans are coming. We need to move the camp into the pass. They'll be upon us by morning."

"Nico, how did you hold them off?"

"My sword," she told her irritably. "Varia, I interrogated one of them. I asked how they've tracked us so closely this last year. They told me there's a Roman spy in your camp. They said the Emperor dispatched the deadliest assassin in Rome."

Varia put her hands on Nico's arms. She already sensed it.

"He said the Bitch of Rome was sent with orders to claim the eagles and your head."

"Stop," Varia told her calmly.

She stood and drew her sword, pushing Varia back. She pointed her sword at Livia and Varia blocked it with her neck.

"She is going to kill you, Varia. What is wrong with you?"

"Eli wished-"

"Now you speak of Eli?! She's a killer, Varia!"

She lunged but Varia easily grabbed her shoulders and threw her down. The thump roused Livia whose hearing was deafened. She looked up angrily when she saw Nico's sword drawn in Varia's vicinity.

"Nico, you're dismissed," she told her angrily but Nico rose and lunged at Livia again.

"Guards!"

They appeared instantly and removed the agitated warrior.

"She's going to kill you in your sleep, Varia! You're insane!"

"Nico, you have overstepped in every way. I do not have to explain myself to you. But I have devoted too much to Eli's pacifism to go back now. Livia deserves justice and she will have it. If your charge is true, I will discern and judge that in the morning. Please go rest. I will need your assistance tomorrow."

She cast a final infuriated glance at Livia.

"Remove her. And rest yourselves. We will depart at dawn."

Livia didn't have to hear their conversation to get the gist.

Varia knelt before her but instead of removing her ear plugs or gag, she pet her head and kissed her forehead.

"I wish you had not come, Livia. I never wanted this to happen."

Livia looked at her urgently.

"I can't ... you'll just lie to me and I fear I will believe you."

Livia's blue eyes pled with her.

"I'm a Queen, Livia. I have my people to think of. If it was only my neck you'd cut ... perhaps I would welcome your beautiful violence. But this is out of my hands now."

She tilted her head and tears appeared in her eyes.

Varia turned from her, unable to watch her cry. She rose and snuffed her fire. It was completely dark in the cabin when she kissed Livia's head and crawled in her bed.

* * *

She woke to a tremendous pop. She sat up in the darkness but saw nothing. She heard the movement of someone in her cabin. She moved to light a candle and was horrified when the light reflected on the blade of a sword held above her. She shrieked as a loud thud pulled the sword down. She listened as the person tumbled and cried out in pain.

A whimper, a groan, then silence.

When Varia had lit a lamp and thrown it into her fire, she saw that two bodies lay crumpled by her bed. Nico laid with her own sword protruding from her chest and Livia laid twisted beneath her.

Varia shoved Nico's lifeless body aside and pulled at Livia deliriously. She was elated to hear her gasp with life but horrified to realize her shoulder had been dislocated.

Varia struggled to drag Livia beside her fire and bend her arm and shoulder back into position. She clawed at her ear plugs and gag, releaved to hear Livia breathing regularly.

"Varia," she said weakly.

"Deep breath, Livia. Let's get this shoulder back in."

Livia screamed.

"Good girl," she told her as she laid her down carefully again.

"I came to warn you, Varia. Nico is a Roman spy. She had orders to kill you. She's been giving intel reports to the Romans. They were trying to corner you going into the pass."

Varia looked in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry," she told her.

"I deserved it," she replied with a smile.

Varia leaned and kissed her head.

"Only Eli knows what we deserve," she told her tearily. "Did you really dislocate your own shoulder to save my life?"

"It's not technically self defense if you defend someone else."

Varia stared at her and slowly blinked.

"I'm sorry, Livia," she told her as her eyes filled with tears. "You are a Christian."

"Hey," Livia used her good hand to wiped her tears away, "Barely."

Varia drug Nico's body outside her cabin.

She cleaned Livia up and situated her in her bed.

"We have a few hours to sleep, please rest, okay?" Varia asked her.

"Of course," she slipped her able hand around her waist. "Just as soon as I finish with this."

Varia gasped as her hand slipped between her thighs.

She turned back and kissed her urgently.

"Hurry," she urged her.

"I will," she promised.

"Thank you, Livia," she told her as she fell asleep.

"Thank Eli. I certainly do," she told her with a kiss on the shoulder.


	5. Gospel of Sarah

NOTES: I feel like a chump when I brag. Hey, look at me, I read books. I know thangs. Watch me Christian. Listen, Yeshu ha Notzri read books, too. It's not that impressive. Love is impressive. Healing is impressive. Holding faith in a scarred heart and purifying your soul in the crucible of life ... that's hard. Cracking books ain't that hard, truthfully. Doing what we are already good at will never be hard. Doing what we are bad at and failing … surviving harm … and getting up to keep living … now that's hard. That's something to brag about.

* * *

Livia woke to Varia kissing her.

"I must have died in the night because I woke with an angel."

"You did die in the night. I just brought you back to life with a kiss."

"Then Christen me in your love, beautiful."

Varia pulled back and a shadow passed through her eyes.

"What is it?"

"I'm sorry I've been derisively calling you Livia. What do want me to call you?"

She fought the same shadow in her eyes.

"Well, Varia, considering what Rome has done to you in this life, I can't really complain. But I do think of that as my slave name."

"I'm sorry," Varia told her. "I know Xena named you Eve."

She nodded. "Yeah, but it's strange because I was never called that so I don't really identify with it."

"What do you identify with?"

She seemed too shy to tell her so Varia kissed her neck.

"Eli called me 'princess'."

"So he called you Sarah?"

She smile at her.

"You're really good at word puzzles," she told her knowingly.

"The philosophers say everyone loves their own name more than any other word. Thus, if you were guessing someone's name, the best guess would be their most iterated word."

"Did you mother call you Varia?" Sarah asked her curiously.

"No. I had an Iceni name. Varia was given to me to pass as indiscriminately Hellen."

"You're much too wild to be Hellen. Too much fight in you."

Varia blushed.

"That's one hell of a compliment from the Roman Empress."

She smiled.

"I tore off those laurels long ago, my love," she told her. "What is your real name, Varia?"

"Rhiannon."

"I love that," she doted.

"I love Sarah. You were born a princess because your mother is a princess. You were given the title Empress by your abductor. Even Eli acknowledged your innate royalty. I see why you discarded your laurels. One woman can only wear so many crowns."

Sarah looked in her eyes.

"You were born a princess, too, Rhiannon. Would that I could use my vain power to go back and prevent Caesar from conquoring Brittaina. You would be a mighty queen to the brave Iceni."

Varia kissed her.

"Okay. We wasted enough time snuggling. We have to get you packed on a stretcher so you can be carried."

Sarah hesitated.

"Varia, I ... I can't escape with you. Someone needs to hold off the Romans."

Varia frowned.

"I told you there is no standing and fighting the Romans. You should know."

"I do. I'm not standing and fighting. I'm holding them off so you can get the remaining refugees through the pass. When you're in, I'll block the pass and hold it as long as possible. Thermopylae style."

"Sarah, every sword in the Empire fears you, darling but ... no one can hold off a legion alone. Even in the pass. You will fall."

Sarah kissed her.

"Honey, it's not self defense if you defend someone else."

"Stop talking this way."

"Varia, you said yourself, I slayed 10,000 civilians and burned Jerusalem. And that's just my recent atrocity. I've conquered a nation here and there. I don't deserve to just walk into the sunset with the pacifists like it never happened. Nico was right, I'm a killer."

Varia kissed her forehead.

"Now you're a baptized Christian. Eli has forgiven you, so do not sin again. Do not kill again."

"It's not self defense," she tried.

"I'm tired of arguing semantics with you, Sarah. Just stop. You're under my command. I order you to cease in this line of discussion."

She stood and began packing.

* * *

"Varia, remember. This is an ambush."

"It sure as hell is. I'm going to love those Romans until they're all saved."

She laughed.

"You do that. Just let me go ahead of you with my swords."

"I'm not leaving you alone with just a sword."

Suddenly, Sarah remembered something.

"Varia," she pulled her close to whisper to her. "Did you say you recovered ... the Ark of the Covenant?"

Varia became rigid.

"Where is it?"

"We have it carefully packed. It requires its own special wagon."

"Yeah, I'm sure ... Varia ... that thing is not a holy relic. It's a weapon."

Varia glanced at her.

"We know."

"... how?"

"I've read more ancient manuscripts than the ones you caught me with. Don't worry, we've built a new casing for it. Its wagon is lined with lead. I wanted to leave it behind but ... honestly, we couldn't risk it falling into your hands."

Sarah sighed.

"On the very very very slim chance you know how to detonate it."

Sarah glanced around carefully.

"I do."

Varia looked in her eyes.

"How?"

"Sunlight. A very bright concentrated ray of sunlight."

Varia contemplated her.

"Sarah, we don't have time to build a pyramid."

"I know," she told her as she held her hand.

"No."

"I'm going to have to detonate it by hand."

"No."

"Yes. I'll block the pass, lure them in with the promise of the legion standards, then detonate the Ark by hand. You'll need to build some temporary shelters, as far away as you can get. Ditches by a river to lay down in. The blast will roll like a wave, you just have to be down for the wave and back up before the rubble falls."

"Sarah, you'll have your flesh melted off. It's too horrible. I can't allow it."

She pulled Varia into a kiss. Varia held her.

"Please," she begged her.

"Eli told me something, Varia. He asked me to do something for Him. This was it."

"You're lying. He wouldn't tell you do use violence."

"He did, Varia. I promise. He talked to Judas and I separately. He gave us specific orders."

"Yuda Tau'ma was killed, Sarah."

"Yeah and that's why Eli chose him. Yuda was singularly courageous. And he had already sinned too grievously to be entirely redeemed."

"Stop," Varia tried.

"Just like me."


	6. Gospel of Eli

"Does that hurt?"

Sarah stared in her eyes as she played with her hair.

"No," she told her quietly.

Varia slid her palm across her shoulder and around her neck.

"What about this?"

"Baby, I've popped this shoulder out like twenty times. It's fine."

Varia shook her head and sighed.

"Fine. May I pet you anyway? Please?"

Sarah smiled.

"Go ahead. If you want me to act hurt ..."

Varia rolled her eyes.

"Don't patronize me, please."

Sarah relaxed as Varia ran her hands over her shoulders and arms. She traced the lines of her muscles and played with her hands. She slid her hands under Sarah's night shirt. Her fingertips crossed Sarah's many scars and she tensed.

Varia kissed her cheek.

"May I? Please?"

She sighed and collected herself.

"Of course," she told her as she closed her eyes.

Varia lifted her shirt and tossed it away. She leaned on her arm lazily as she traced Sarah's many scars with her fingernail.

"Wait, I recognize this writing. This is Punic, right?"

She laughed as Varia pretended to scrutinize the erratic scars left by her sword play and whip fetish.

"It says ..." she stared at her fingers as they traced the imaginary script, "I sing of Sarah, brave and true."

She sighed and pushed Varia's hair back.

"It says, I sing of Rhiannon, the best of all women."

Varia leaned to kiss a scar. She licked her lips and contemplated the taste.

Sarah shivered against her affection.

"Most people are put off by those. Even if they want to be fine with it. I can feel their touch shrinking around them."

Varia rubbed her palms on Sarah's skin.

"I love every part of you. I don't care what other people think. And Sarah, I have scars, too."

She pushed her hair out of her eyes.

"Where? I've licked every inch of your flawless skin."

She looked in the fire.

"They're on the inside. Haven't you felt them?"

Sarah breathed sharply through her chest.

"I have not. Did that happen when you were young? Because of the Romans?"

She nodded solemnly.

"I've never felt them. I would not react negatively if I did."

Varia stroked her face and kissed her slowly.

"I know. I feel so lucky when I consider that. I never thought I would meet someone like you. I never even had the courage to hope I would."

Sarah contemplated the fire.

"This world ... the world of the Romans ... it's bad. It just is. I've seen it myself, I've lived it. And it is bad. But you ... you're good. Through and through.

And that used to make me so angry at this world and its creator."

"Eli wished," she interjected softly.

She smiled. "I know. That's what I was going to say. Eli changed everything. For everyone. But especially for the best of all people. For you."

Varia dropped her head on her shoulder and kissed her neck.

"I didn't know what I was doing when I was a Roman. I can't go back and undo those deeds. But I didn't know how to act otherwise and I didn't believe there was a good world for which to fight."

Varia kissed her cheek.

"But there is, right inside the bad world, nestled safely in the hearts of the Christians."

Varia felt her eyes line with tears. Happiness tears.

"You are such a good woman, Sarah. Eli has forgiven you. Eli has forgiven us all. Eli loves this world."

Sarah pulled her close and held her.

"I want to make love to you ... and love you like you've never been loved."

She blushed.

"You already have."

"Then I hope to shatter my own record."

She slipped her arms around her shoulders.

"I welcome your attempts," she murmured as Sarah rose shifted and relaxed on top of her.

* * *

_"Sarah? Sarah, brave and true?"_

_"Eli?"_

_"I love you, Sarah."_

_"Thank you, Eli."_

_"Do you love me?"_

_"I do! I love you, Eli!"_

_"If you love me, feed my lambs."_

_"I will. Thank you, Eli."_

_"You will never be forsaken. Because love cannot be taken. Love is the Way."_

_"Thank you for loving me, Eli."_

_"Thank you for loving me, Sarah."_

* * *

Sarah woke alone in Varia's tent. She dressed in a tunic and emerged from the tent flaps rubbing her eyes. She gasped at the sight before her. At least five thousand Christians sat peacefully with their legs crossed, heads bent, hands folded in prayer.

"Wow," she breathed as Varia smiled at her and offered her a hand as she approached. Sarah stood behind her and wrapped her arms around her stomach to touch her belly. She kissed her shoulder and Varia smiled.

The entire assembly listened as a child recited Eli's parables.

Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

"Did you sleep well?" Varia whispered to her.

_Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled._

"I did. I dreamed of Eli. Did you?"

_Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy._

"Yes. I am entirely happy in your loving arms. I dreamed of Eli, too."

_Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God._

"Me too, princess." She kissed her head.

_Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God._

* * *

They were riding on Varia's horse together. Varia leaned up to kiss her cheek.

"Hey, I wanted to talk to you about my dream. Eli wants me to tell you something."

Sarah turned her head in interest to listen.

"He said you won't believe me. So I need to be very sincere and careful."

"I'm listening, my love," she told her patiently.

"Sarah, what I witnessed in Jerusalem ... what the Roman world has become ... it's not all a bad business but ... Eli is right. If we don't fight for peace,there's no sense in anything. We must fight for peace. With Love. That is the only constructive option."

"I see that now, too."

"Fighting is wrong, on every scale. It's counterproductive as conflict resolution and only the wealthy ever benefit from it. For the poor and powerless, which is the majority of humanity, fighting will always end in the destruction of the mere resources to which they have access."

"Amen."

"Violence sullies the spirit. We live again and again, life after life, and the stain of our sins stays with us, it carries over. So when we do violence, when we participate at all, we're stained by it. And it ensures we will be forced to live again and again until the stain is gone. And that's counterproductive. It would be better to die, shunning violence, and come back without the stain. That is why the Christians will always take death over violence. Even in self defense, the stain is too destructive to value life over violence. It will simply never end until we all choose death over violence."

"You're right," Sarah told her resolutely.

"But, darling, please listen carefully to me."

Varia hugged her and kissed her neck.

"Eli wanted me to tell you ... how much better you have made me. Even through violence. Even through pushing me."

"That's wrong," she tried to interrupt.

"Listen to me," she pled. "You have made me so much better. Every challenge, I grew stronger. Every fight, I overcame. I never knew my real strength until I triumphed over you."

"You wiped the floor with me. Girl, you can fight."

They laughed.

"Thank you but Sarah ... Eli wants you to know ... He sent you to be this woman. He did ask you to do these things. Even to me. He knows us. He loves us. And He wants me to assure you, to really make you understand ... violence or not, full consent or not ... I have been bettered by you in every way. No matter the means. I love you so much, Sarah. And that love is a blessing. Your nature is a blessing. I would not change anything."

Sarah shook her head to loosen her tears. She leaned back into Varia's embrace.

"I can hear Eli telling me, just accept this love, Sarah. But I feel so ... undeserving. Varia, I am not good enough for your love."

"That is why I'm trying to tell you, darling. Eli made my love for you. Just for you. And everything that has happened between us, challenging or not, I value it more than any experience I've ever had. Sometimes I worry I love you more than Eli."

She laughed.

"Thank you, Varia. Rhiannon. My love. Thank you. I have been way too hard on you. So I don't know how you can truly feel this way. But I accept your request. I believe in you."

"I believe in you, too, Sarah," she told her as she held her close. "I always, always will."


End file.
